DiMarie

I used to work for the head of pediatrics, and his specialty was pediatric cardiology. I helped him out with his practice and, like you, became very close with the families. It effected us all deeply when we lost a patient, especially long-time patients, because in many ways we helped raise them. It knocks the air right out of you when they don't survive.

I'd find myself waking up in the middle of the night worrying about a patient or replaying a checklist in my mind to make sure everything was set for surgery. My boss had a huge practice because he was/is such a great and caring doc, so I had to keep up with him. We didn't have time to stop and fully grieve because so many others still needed us.

I don't recommend you stop caring in your job. It will serve no one. You'll never be able to save everyone, so do all that you can then turn it off.

However, you're in the position of many of my mothers. It's a pain I've never experienced, but from what I've seen I can think of no greater pain in life. This just isn't the time for others to be taking from you. Go ahead and be "selfish." Take time for yourself - and take all you need from us.

You're in my prayers.