Thanks for the replies. I know DiMarie you are dealing with far worse then me losing a child. Yesterday was such a bad day and last night was just as bad.
I cried until 4 in the morning over Bill. It seems to be getting harder instead of easier for me.

I finally got my hip calmed down around 2 with a heating pad, lidoderm patch, and Methadone.

The depression has been horrendous to the point of suicidal thoughts again. I think I am just overwelmed with trying to make major decisions, thinking about this surgery and how I am even going to get there for my appt. Susan can't take me because it's at the time when the boys get out of school unless she makes some arrangments. Travis had to go out of town for a week so he can't watch them. Then I have to deal with getting there for the surgery and getting home. Scared too of what's next after the surgery.

Allen, I actually do pretty good with my Methadone. It wasn't doing anything for this hip pain. It always has helped the RSDS and TOS but it wasn't helping the hip pain at all.

As I said I am just overwelmed with decisions and still donot know what I am going to draw on SS from Bill. It's a mess.

I feel like at times I'm hanging on by a thread.

Ada