I PM'd you last night so I hope you got it.

I was going to say though that you are telling my story except for WC. I fought SS for 8 years. They finally told me the only way I would get it is to go see a Dr. for everything that was wrong with me. When you don't have insurance you can't do that. My beloved PCP had taken care of me for 5 years free and every year filled out the information for SS. Because he was a PCP they wouldn't take his word for anything. That's when I got a State Rep involved and he had my SSI within one week. My SS time had run out to get it so I can't draw that until I am 62. A lot of people don't know that there is a deadline on how long you can fight for your SS to get it before you turn 62.

Anyway, I will tell you, I am a 55 year old woman, I was married 34 years when Bill passed away in Nov. We had one daughter together and I have two wonderful stepkids and 4 step grandkids.

I got sick at the ripe old age of 35. At first they told me I had injured my back. Couldn't remember doing that but I did have back pain but I was dealing with stomach problems. It took 3 years for them to find the tumors in me and my Dr. found them by doing a test in his office. He went up in my colon and found some tumors. He had sent me out to the hospital so many times I would most likely owe them 100,000. if I was not put on their indegent care program. He finally got fed up and did that test for me.

I first had my appendix taken out for tumors on and in it. Also had some of my intestines taken out. I went through 5 years of testing to make sure I was cancer free.

Next was a partial hysterectomy for tumors. They left one overy which I was mad about. Then came the gallbladder for the mass across it and in it. Then came the TOS surgery, 2 rotator cuff surgeries, ulner nerve surgery, last overy out with scar tissue. Then all kinds of surgeries for my Interstital Cystitis, 2 kidney stone lipotripsies, 2 test where they went into my arteries to diagnose me with CAD, a stroke, heart attack, PUD, GERD, PAD, Suicidal tendencies, major depression, hearing problems due to an ear surgery that didn't heal right, had to have all my teeth pulled, diagnosed with RSD, Fibro, Costo, Central Sensitization Syndrome, Ranolds, degenertive disc disease in back and neck, spent 4 years in Physical therapy for my back, neck, RSDS, TOS, And Fibro, Etopic pregnancy, surgery for that to save my life.

I know I have left out some but I still feel like I am doing better then others. I had a good husband that helped take care of me even though he was disabled and we had a good PCP so that was my Godsend.

Now I'm waiting for next Wed. to go see the Dr. for the VNS implant for the depression. Then I know I am still looking at a few more surgeries down the road.

Like you, I don't even look disabled. What saved me though is that all of my friends saw me at my worst and helped me through a lot of it so they never doubted what I was going through.

Like you, I can't answer phones, I only go to Dr. appts. I don't go anywhere. My daughter is my caregiver so she does most everything for me as far as picking up meds and groceries. She took up that after her Dad passed in Nov.

I stay in one room of this house. I sleep, eat and watch tv there. I barely get dressed and I can honestly say I am hanging on by a thread nowadays.

I have a friend that says she is not depressed but she has been diagnosed with it so there are people like you that don't see it in yourself.

I have been suicidal from as far back as I can remember around 8 or 9 years old. It has always been there, won't say wheather I have tried or not.

I see so many people on here that are in the same shape I am in mentally. It's sad to see that and to know there are so many people out there that can't get the proper medical or mental care they need.

I will say the main reason I feel I got ok'd for the VNS so soon is because I stayed in therapy for over 8 years and followed through with it. It showed them that I was trying and never gave up.

If you get the oportunity to get therapy, take it and God willing it will help you but if you don't it will show that you are trying your hardest.

We know we will never get well and get back to work but we might get to a better place then we are now.

Ada