Barb - I too was thinking I was going to waking up in the morning and be back to my old self. And, when I didn't, I would go through such frustration and anger that the symptoms were still there. It would set a bad tone for the day and I just don't want to do that anymore. I've been lucky to have experienced periods of remission - not complete but times where symptoms would ease up for months. That's not happening. In fact, to be honest, I've been having more trouble with my legs for the past year.

Kelly & Deb - It's so hard for our families to fully understand and, well, they never truly will. I melted down again the other night which in turn, turned out to be a long discussion with DBF and DD19. DBF and I have never really discussed my MS (notice I am now saying "my" and not "the" or "MS"). He was so glad that the conversation took place and got a better understanding of what I have been going through lately as well as how the MS has effected me physically and emotionally and the difficulty I have. DD19 knew a lot of this as she lived with me before I moved in with DBF. She knew some of the things I go through. But, she has seen some changes and has concerns that she shared - mainly that my quality of life has changed and she's not seeing me doing the things I used to enjoy so much due to, what she now knows, mobility issues. I was surprised at the support, suggestions, etc. that I received from both of them. We have put them in action and when DD19 is here for the summer, she is going to help with arranging things & coming up with things that will make it easier for me.

Of course, we all agreed that I needed an attitude adjustment. So, I am starting. As an example, last Friday I ended up with a stomach bug. This caused my hug to act up terribly. As a result, I could not go to Mother's Day dinner with my Mom & family yesterday. I had to lay flat in bed with ice. Instead of crying about it, as has been my thing for the past month, I accepted it. I called my mom and let her know that I was not able to make it. She was understanding and I shed no tears over it. I actually felt better and ok with it; knowing that there are times I just can't do things and yesterday, I just went with it. (Of course, I think if my pain management regime was better, I would be able to do these things).

Of note, years ago my Mom had an MS patient that she took care of (she did home care nursing). The woman was bedridden and had 2 elementary school aged kids. She said the woman cried all the time. My Mom contacted her minister/pastor and asked him to come visit with her and assist her. I thought about this and I decided that I don't want to be like that. Opening up and accepting, to me, is far better than crying all the time and much healthier in fighting. So, like I mentioned, I threw the towel in (actually, the boxing gloves) and am starting anew and plan to head in a new direction in my fight. I am now fighting for a better quality of life instead of fighting the fact that I have the disease.