It's a strange and scary feeling when you are an overachiever to not be able to perform to your own standards.

I was in complete denial that I had any deficits and I couldn't make it happen like I did before for months. I even tried to return to work - it went horribly.

When I let myself realize that I was not the same and I couldn't will it back to normal the depression set in. The feelings of worthlessness and loss over my well structured life became almost more than I could bare.

I wanted to vanish so that people would never see me again. I felt like a stranger in my own mind. I would sit and cry alone in my room for days. When I hit 3 weeks of not leaving my room my roommate stepped in.

I think what made it so bad for me was I was trying so hard to be and do all the things I did before. I wanted to be the same person. I didn't want people to look at me differently. I put so much pressure on myself and letting up was giving up.

I still struggle but I am doing better the more I talk about my true feelings and fears. Its not easy to admit what you are really thinking or feeling but it sure helps to take the crushing weight off your chest.

Blessing