Hi, I'm new to this forum and wanted to get something off of my chest.

I have bipolar I as does my sister and mother. My mother was undiagnosed and unmedicated for the whole time she raised our family, and her behavior has left a lot of scars on others in the family. Growing up I thought all adults acted like my mother but now that I am an adult I can safely say that her behavior over the past 30-odd years has been outrageous. I am much more "normal" than either my sister or mother and I function fine in life as long as I stay on my medication. My sister, however, is nutty like my mother. I give her credit though, because my sister has sworn off having children of her own. I know that's a tough decision for a woman, and one that my mother was not strong enough to make. My mother used us children as emotional medication; she was in many ways an emotional vampire, and only a child would put up with the crap she foists on others.

I admire my sister for her decision. She is solving her problem whereas my mother kicked the can down the road because she did not want to give up on her dreams of motherhood, even though it was bourne out that she was not fit to be a mother.

The reason I am unsure is that I have behaved much better than either over time, and I am generally an upstanding member of society who pays taxes, contributes, etc. My illness is much milder than my mother's and sister's. I am hesitant to have children though because the emotional role of a father is more demanding than that of a mother, in that a man is expected to be in control of his emotions while it is normal for women to be taken now and then. Also I fear subjecting my children to the same treatment I was subjected too. It's a tough thing to say but if a child has to go through what I went through then I would not say that it's not worth it.

People always make arguments about how life is a gift and worth spreading, but I am by nature more clinical. I see the healthcare costs that a bipolar person incurs, and the daily suffering they endure, and I wonder whether it's worth bringing another bipolar into the world. Sure there are talented bipolars who make art and such, but they are the exception and for most life is a painful grind. I wonder if my sister is right, and that I can only solve the problem of my disorder only by not procreating.