well Sophie and Rae what amazing words and advice from both of you. I did decide after a long hard and yet another difficult day to have a chat with hubby and god even when you think you know someone they can surprise you!

Tom said that sometimes its hard to 'love me in that way' as I push him away so much but he said that its not all about the physical part its about cuddling up on the couch , its about just being with each other!!

Yes Sophie its wonderful of you to find out about RSD and your right my skin hurts so much sometimes even showers hurt as my skin is so sensitive so a massage is out of the question but you know just talking to him felt like we got closer again.

since my journey started with this pain 3 years ago this last month has been the worst. Mentally and physically this has been the toughest. I cannot cope with the pain levels at the moment and really even struggling to stand on my feet for more than a few seconds. This week sees me sitting the first of my exams which i am dreading.

I did tell tom how down i was last night and let the tears flow after reading rae's post as I feel all of those things and it just does seem impossible to find a way to climb out of this painful sad place i find myself in. I think he knew but he did not know how bad it was right now as i hide everything from him as he already is copping with enough, anyway He is making me finish off this final two weeks of clollege work as he knows how hard i have worked up on till this moment. After that he says we will sit down and make a plan or talk to dr but for now i have the worst 2.5 weeks to crawl through and then i can try and tackle the next bit. all of ur support and comments mean so much to me what would i do without you all!