Oh Momz,

I am so sorry that you area going through this. It sucks. Yep it does. Vent all you want. I'll say my infamous thing that someone told me was to give yourself persmission to feel bad as long as you like otherwise you are just fighting your own guilt about feeling bad.

I have not posted much because the last week I have been feeling sorry for myself and hurting. But I wanted to write a couple of things to you.

First I remember that you mentioned that breathing problem. I have had that several times especially when I have had injections. What can happen is that some of the injection ( the anathesia) can touch the phrenic nerve and make it feel like you cannot breath. But you can. But that feeling makes me more anxious and then I tend to chest breathe even though my diaphragm is working fine. It wears off.

Second, when I first read your post I wondered if they are giving you a nreve block or trigger point injections. I reacted badly to trigger point injections. sick, naseous, headache. Ask the doc to switch up the meds. Maybe instead of marcaine to use lidocaine, or kenalog vs celestone. Keep trying though. They say it takes several rounds of shots to make it better.

All of this can be so overwhelming. Break everything into littel pieces and take it one thing at a time and soon it will add up to many tings and you will be like I handled alot of it. If I think of it as one big mess then I break down and wonder how can I cope.

I too dont do well on the meds. react badly to almost all of them. So I feel your pain.

And yeah the bills. I was doing my taxes and my med bills added up to a new car last year. . Luxury car, fully loaded. Could not believe it. Oh well. But every penney would be well worth it for any kind of relief

Maybe your hubby isn't ignorning you but just does not know what to say. and anything he says, he says wrong. Maybe he is afraid. My hubby was like that in the beginning. And poor guy he did not have anyone to vent to. Felt like he had to be strong. His life is falling apart too. Maybe he needs someone to listen to him too. And (sorry guys) but sometimes guys are not the same is terms of listening. They are problem solving listeners and sometimes all we are looking for is empathy. So tell him that you just want him to listen. And sit down and talk to him and say you can only imagine how he feels and you understand what this is doing to his life and your life together. Tell him he can share with you and you are a team and in this together. One thing at a time.

God am I sounding preachy? Sorry if I am. Not meant to be. I am really sympathetic.

Ah Happiness. Where is it, when will it come back. When this all first hit me, I was crazy, mad at the world, searching for the cause and most of all afraid.

I had to learn to separate my fear from the pain. Fear will only intensify pain and exaggerate it. Fear makes everything worse. Try to separarte them. I did hypnosis. It helped and I had to learn that the cause and the whys and the fear will not make it better. I needed to search for other things. Controlling the fear will help some calm come back and maybe a little happiness.

ok enough...tell me to shut up.

One thing at a time. First