I'm so sorry you're feeling so desperate. I feel exactly the same. I was diagnosed with TLE a little over a year ago, and I was really happy about it at the time because I thought once we finally knew what was wrong with me, then we could fix it. But we haven't been able to. I've tried Topamax, Lamictal and Lyrica. I'm still on the last two, but still have daily problems. The worst one right now is an olfactory hallucination -- I smell cigarette smoke 24 hours a day, no matter what I'm doing, even in the shower. It's disgusting, and after a few days of it I just want to die to make it stop. I'm also foggy, confused, frustrated, often get flashes of being 'outside of reality' and deja vu. I'm having a terrible time on my job because I just can't think straight anymore. I never in my life thought I'd have to worry about being fired, but I'm worried about it now. I too think about how easy it would feel to put an end to this all, but I have a young son that I couldn't leave behind. So I just take things day by day, because every now and then I do have a good day. I try to remember the things that are good in my life, like my friends and family (and 4 cats and a dog!). Do you have a good support system? Does it help to stay active and exercise a lot? Sometimes those things help me. Also, I find that eating too much sugar seems to make things worse for me. Have you tried eliminating certain foods from you diet to see if it might help? Good luck.