watrpk, I do have kids, 12, 8 and just turned 6. It has been very hard dealing with all the symptoms on top of major mom guilt because I wasn't able to do much of anything for so long. For the first 4 months I was pretty weird too, I felt like a crazy woman. Not being able to care for my kids properly was agonizing! I was so worried they would be irreparably damaged. In some ways they handled it better than I did.

I spent the first six months mostly in bed, mostly in isolation, except for brief visits to the kitchen for me or to get food prepped for the kids when my husband or oldest son wasn't around. I had kind friends who helped with driving my kids to things and I cancelled a lot of their activities. I can see now that they are fine, no horrible damage. Kids are very resilient.

I think what has helped me the most in my recovery is accepting where I am and giving myself permission to take the rest I need, reminding myself when the nagging guilt surfaced that everyone is better off if I can get better. I am a Type A fighter by nature but I learned to take my "fight" in a different direction, adapting my expectations to where I was. I just let go of things like fun activities, great dinners and a clean, orderly house for a while. It was, and still is, difficult to accept the reality because I don't want it to be like this!

I've found a lot of peace in accepting what I can't control and trying to find joy in the little things I can still do. For example, my youngest is an extremely boisterous, loud, active, big personality person. For a long time I couldn't stand being around him for more than a minute (even that was hard). I didn't want him to feel rejected by me so I started a sequence of a big smile and special kisses I would give him every time I saw him, we both enjoyed it.

I felt better knowing that he was sure of my love even though I couldn't give him the time I used to. I've tried to find ways to reassure my other children as well, within my sphere of ability. I know they don't really understand, even my husband doesn't really understand it, I don't think someone can unless they spend a lot of time reading and researching or have dealt with it themselves. I am very blessed in that my husband has been amazingly patient with this and has really stepped up to the plate with household and kid stuff. That made a big difference in my ability to handle things emotionally.

It seems like you know what types of things will set off your symptoms, let them go for a time. You aren't normal right now so you need to really let go of the normal things for a while. No one knows your body like you, keep that in mind when people give you suggestions. Give your body/brain the rest it needs. Err on the side of caution. Make sure your nutrition is good and think seriously about supplements if you aren't currently taking any. If you take the right ones I'm convinced they can make a difference. There are some great threads on these topics on the forum.

I don't know if you've tried books on tape/cd from the library. They usually have a lot to choose from. You may want to start with books aimed at 4-8 graders, they will have simpler language, plots and a reasonable amount of characters to track. If you listen to a little at a time on very low volume it may not trigger your symptoms and give you something to assuage the boredom. It saved my sanity to get "lost in another world" for a while. Soft, non stimulating music at a low volume might help too.

I'm not back to 100% but I am so much better than I was, it is amazing and wonderful. The residual problems I'm learning how to work around and with. I'm able to function more normally, although I am very careful to avoid situations I know will trigger symptoms, and I always keep sunglasses, earplugs and an escape plan ready.

Hang in there and be good to your brain! Relax, try not to stress yourself out, let go of the stuff you can't fix, give your body and brain what they need to heal. Best wishes!