I applied for Social Security Disability last Winter. During the last week I went to two disability related Dr appointments, I really need to talk about it. I hope you guys don't mind...this is truly just a rant...

I saw two seperate doctors, one was a mental exam, the other a physical exam.

The mental exam was very easy, the doctor kind and considerate, even sympathizing with me and telling me that if I don't get disability awarded the first time, that she recommends I apply again. She explained all her questions and I felt so comfortable. (Note - I have post traumatic stress disorder, I think that is why I had a mental exam)

The physical exam was awful!!! I've been crying on and off for two days since...that doctor was terrible! She never explained any of the exam other than to say at the beginning that it was a physical exam. She asked me lots of questions, about things that seemed irrelevant, like where I went to college, how long I worked at various jobs.

During the questioning she would occasionally stop and say things like, "walk across the room for me", then she would go back to asking things like, "how much do you think you could work?", and I explained the variability of how I feel and that I thougth I could possibly work a few hrs a day, as long as I could take days off when needed...she jumped in and said, "how about 4 hrs?", "how about 6 hrs"...I felt like I never fininished any of my answers before she threw something else at me.

I have no idea how I answered those questions, I just wanted out of there. Her questioning triggered my PTSD and I started sweating and shaking (the sad thing, as far as a physical exam goes, is that triggering my PTSD makes me strong for a short time, somehow it makes the MG go away for a short time, and then I crash).

I could hardly hear her voice (because my head was spinning and I wanted to run away)...I know I answered some of her questions wrong, I even said "yes" when she finally got around to asking me if I could work a full 8 hour shift once a week...then I paused and said something like "oh, I don't really think I could do that, I'd need to take a big nap in the middle of the day and stay in bed the rest of the week to recover" and she said, "so you think you COULD do it, if you were allowed to rest?. And I said, well, maybe if I had to, but I don't know how long I could keep doing it.

I feel crazy now! My head is spinning and I feel like she was leading the questions, continuing to ask different versions of the same question until I gave in and said yes in some form, or at least a maybe which she pushed into some form of a yes in her answer.

She asked me why I don't just go get a part time engineering job, since that is what my degree is in. I told her there were two reasons, the PTSD makes me have difficulty doing that kind of work, and the second reason is because I've never seen a part time professional job (I have looked seriously into this for many years, even before I got MG). Ever heard of an engineer who works 2 hrs a week?

I thought it was suppposed to be a physical exam, which she did do, in between all the questioning.

The worst thing is, at the end, she said "we are done now" and started writing on her paper...I was confused and asked if I could leave. Most of the time doctors get up and say goodbye, shake your hand, something...she just ignored me...and then she said as I was walking out, "you do know that people with professional degrees rarely get awarded disability, right? I can't even remember what I said, I probably had some stupid look on my face, maybe I shrugged, all I could think of is that I wanted away from this woman.

I feel like I was attacked mentally, interrogated roughly....that was the worst doctor visit in my life...I haven't felt the same since...I am having difficulty even communicating with my kids let alone anyone, after that. Someone asks me a question and my mind wanders elsewhere.

Oh, one more thing...she actually commented during the exam that it was possible the MG was just a symptom of the post traumatic stress and asked if anyone has tried to treat me with mental therapy for MG, maybe I didn't even have MG at all and just needed a better therapist for the trauma. She pushed this issue after I explained that I have postive antibody tests for MG, saying, "well, hasn't anyone at least explored this possibility?" I had to answer no since my neurologist never even mentioned that my symptoms were all in my head...I guess I should be thankful...

I am falling into a depression, I think worse that I have ever been in...that was awful...