I just stopped in to check out this forum after visiting the Parkinson's site, and found your conversation; I hope I may join in?

I believe very strongly that God gives us - or allows us to have - trials and afflicions so that we may learn to depend on Him. Long ago I gave up depending on myself and my intellect and energy; I found that those things accounted for very little when I was faced with real trials.

I'll save myself some typing, and just paste in [slightly edited] what I wrote out when I was asked to present my testimony in church a few months back (the sermon topic for the day was "Despair"; the pastor thought this would be a good fit!):

All my adult life, I have suffered from cyclical clinical depression and anxiety disorders. Twenty years ago, I just couldn’t believe there was a God. I tried hard; I wanted the same happiness and calm that I could see among those who did believe. I went along with my wife to a Bible study group , figuring I could treat it all as an intellectual exercise, and at the same time still struggling to believe. One day, it simply came to me that I didn’t have to have all my doubts and questions answered right away; I could believe now, and wait until later to have my questions answered. The relief I felt right away was wonderful! But it didn’t last; my problems did not disappear forever.

About 13 years ago, I went into a spiral, ending up in a very deep breakdown. As I felt worse and worse, I began to drastically increase my Bible reading and prayer life, trying to get some relief. Even though my wife and I knew all of the signs, I didn’t recognize that my fears were imaginary, instead keeping them from her as much as possible.

Eventually, my defense systems gave out, and one noontime I broke down - with a cry of "God help me!" For those who have not suffered from such a collapse, this kind of depression is not about feeling a little sad like you see in the TV ads. About the only way I can describe it is as my own personal glimpse of Hell. There is no hope, no life ahead, no life today. It is a pain as intense as any physical pain. All I could feel was terror and fear. Over the next few years, I found it almost impossible to pray, or to open my Bible. It hurt too much to be reminded of the time of my collapse. *It was not that I had lost my faith in God; it was that I felt distant from Him, as if He had chosen for whatever reason to ignore my pleas and as a punishment for God (me?? Punish God??!

It was a few weeks before I could begin to feel the medications taking hold, and a long, 12-year road out of that breakdown. The first few years, I was feeling out of touch with God. I couldn't see it at the time, but God was helping and using me throughout this time, without ceasing.

• He gave me a loving and supporting wife, who saw immediately what was wrong, and called the doctor. Just knowing that help was available kept me going the next few days.

• He gave me a doctor who knew how to get me the fastest help, and He put me in a time when medications were available, medications that were not available to my father and his father.

• A few years later, when I was exhausted by the depression and on my way back down again, I was preparing to end my life. I checked my life insurance; I figured that my wife would be better off without me, my daughter was nearly grown up, my son was a tough and stable kid. But God made me encounter my doctor by accident, who took one look and said, “Be in my office at 5:00 o'clock.”

• He gave me the wisdom to see when several other people needed to hear my story, and to offer it so that they could also see that there was help available for them.

It is a lot like that little wall plaque, "Footsteps in the Sand." He has carried me through the rough spots, even earlier in my life when I was denying His existence.

• And then, just a few months before my present affliction showed up, He helped me up to a level of strength such that I was able to face a diagnosis of Parkinson's with relative calm, and able to face that all my plans for the future were likely to change.

So, are things going great for me now? Well, no, they aren’t . I still worry about my future - what will Parkinson’s be like in 5 years? Ten years? Can I ever be reliably happy for more than a day at a time?

But after all of this, I have learned that I can and do trust in Him that He will provide whatever is truly needed, and I can forget about the rest.

I believe God will take care of us, even if we don't know who or why. I know the "who" now, and I'm working on the "why".

Thank you Judy for your apt scriptural references, and you David for your insightful analyses.