how do you explain to others what it was like to have a momma who


didnt teach you how to cook, but demanded that you put a meal on the table...at 9! and it better be good.


didnt teach you how to wash your hair, face, manicures or brush your teeth, but expected that somehow it would and should be done. "look at those nails! cut them!" sheesh...HOW?! "look at the ratty hair, cant you do something with it?" or wanted you to wear make up to cover the pimples instead of teaching you how to properly clean your face. I had my hair cut off at 16 because I simply couldnt get her off my back about it. I cut it myself because there was no money for a hair cut.


Didnt teach you how to clean, but expected the place to be spotless. There was heckpie to be paid if she came back off a date and found the place a mess. She didnt want to invited her "gentlemen caller" into a nasty place.


Didnt teach me that men could be wonderful and charming and generous, and protective. I grew up knowing that men were abusive, rude, wanted one thing, and normally got it, and you my dear should hold it for randsome. If you want something, let a man get it for you, after all, you have power between your legs.


didnt teach or encourage support of each other. We constantly heard what someone else had said about us, or had done behind our backs. I truly feel it made her happy to see us bicker, argue and fight. I was not taught how to make peace. how to forgive or how to resolve a conflict should it occur.


Didnt teach comfort, or help me when I told her about a relative climbing on me at night. She had her own problems. I was to "figure it out, sometimes you just have to put up with stuff"


didnt teach me how to use, take care of, or handle money or a budget, and yet the bills better be paid. I would be given a lot less money to pay the bills than what was owed, and I was supposed to go beg, borrow, steal or tell sad stories to the clerk to get her to forgive the rest of it. We tied the bad dog to the gas meter so they wouldnt shut off the gas.


Stopped touching me the minute I turned 5. I remember crying myself to sleep at night with a horrible toothache at 5, and was miserable in a motel because we were once again traveling with dad, and it hurt so bad. I was told to "suck it up. big girls dont cry, and big girls dont need their mommy to hold them when things go wrong. I had better figure out a way to get to sleep or a whoppin was soon headed my way." I was taught that if I was sick, she was not the person to head towards.


She did teach me how to shoplift, switch price tags from the small item, and put it on the big bottle so we got the smaller price for the bigger item. Taught me how to distract a store clerk while she stuff things in her bag. Taught me how to shove things in my pocket and lie straight faced to the clerk who just saw me do it. taught me how to tell the pharmacist that I am short on pills because I just counted them in front of him, and I swiped 10 into my pocket. Accuse others before they can accuse me. be nice to the rich girls so she could get in good with their daddy's when the divorce came, she would know which one was newly on the market.


When I look back at the family I came from I myself am amazed that I grew up with any ability to make sense out of the world. I was taught that ALL people will rook you, so you better rook them first. You better get in the first punch.


Yet somehow I grew up with morals, ethics, integrity, honor, and decency. I grew up to be a good parent to my own kids, and even took in others who were not so wanted. My mother never, not once asked for a photo of my kids. Sent not one Christmas or birthday gift. She played the game of "I sent it to his father." and told his father. "i sent it to his mother." for years my children thought Granny sent presents because I put her name on the gifts under the tree. Thank God they didnt check post marks on the mail or they would have seen it came from this town, not Grandmas town. She didnt want to hear when my son was ill and needed surgery. She was horrified that I took that little rat muffin off the street and took her as our own. she was sick and should be someone elses trouble.


I spent my entire adulthood chasing her affection, love, attention, and guidance, and it would never come. She was always busy, angry, tired, or didnt understand what it was I was going on about. so...I learned to quietly sit with her, and not ask for anything from her. My sister is just like her, so I think she understands and supports her more, because my sister makes senese and I dont.


I grew up without love, support, or guidance, but I guess when you are planted in manure you have good fertilizer, no?


I am so jealous when I hear of each of you that have that special bond with your mommies. When you are hearing words of love, affection, and grace from your parents. I dont know what that feels like. its a goal I chased my entire life and have come to realize that some of us are not going to have that goal met. it just is what it is, and I need to understand that I didnt get one of those moms. I got the broken one, and that caused me to grow up broken. With the love, support and kindness of many other peoples moms I learned. I grew, I was inspired to do better, and strive higher. So, thanks girls for letting me borrow from your moms.


Thanks for letting me take up your time, and your space with my drama. I hate drama, and yet to be from my family you MUST get used to drama or drown. I dont want any more drama. I just want peace in my life, and peace in the lives of my children.


By the way, my DH took the box to the post office for me, and is paying the postage to have my mom get her final box. He was so patient to listen to me read the letter over and over and rework it over and over. Yes, I know that my mom will either not read, or not understand what I said in the letter. it was just for me. I said what I needed, and wanted to say, and off it went.