Dej, we have spoken many times over the years about your mother's mental, emotional, spiritual bankruptcy and you know I have grieved with you for the loss of your childhood.

It has been said that our problem is not that as children our needs were unmet, but as adults the loss of these needs is still unmourned. All that grew up with a barren past, devoid of the basic needs of all children: the needs for love, safety, acceptance, freedom, attention, validation of our feelings, being physically held... all that missed these things need to grieve the irrevocably barren past and evoke their own inner sources of nurturance.

I believe you have been in the process of mourning since before we first met and it has been so hard to mourn because with your mother still alive... there was that smallest of chances that she might "wake up". This has not happened and it appears you are finally ready to let go and let God, truly grieve your loss, forgive her, and take that cup of sorrow from which you have drank deeply, and transform it to an immortal wine that can bring you the peace, forgiveness, and acceptance you desire.

I love you my friend, my sister, and all of you that feel or felt the pain of a barren and lost childhood~ May God's angels find their way into your heart to comfort you and show you truly it was not your fault.

Vikki