Good Morning KB,

I know exactly the feelings you are going through. My wife and I are early 30's and have two children four and under and my wife suffers from RSD in her shoulder and arm. When reading through this string, I got the distinct impression that you and I are living very similar lives.

My wife has and SCS implant. Her implant surgery was in Feb, but then her lead moved and had a revision earlier this month. Her results are mixed and hard to quantify because it will often depend on her mood. What I can tell you is that her activity level is equal to or less than before the SCS. Her outlook regarding getting any part of her former life back is much dimmer than before the SCS. I can only think that this is because it did not give her the results she had expected. Without a doubt, we fight more often.

What I am observing in my wife is that the RSD will amplify not only pain but also any feelings, emotions and insecurities she may have felt before. My wife had a rough childhood and adolescene and it was always a struggle before to assure her that she is deserving of love and affection. Now with the RSD it is nearly impossible. We don't really touch each other anymore except for the 1-2 hours of backrubbing I give her most nights...but that is not considered "intimate" because she is in pain. I get told frequently that I never touch her anymore. That one is hard for me to rationalize because from the moment I come home from work until I go to sleep I am either spending time with my kids or rubbing her back. If I try to rub any other parts of her body, she tells me it hurts and then redirects me to the lower back or neck. Anyhow, she tells me almost daily that I need to divorce her so that I and the kids can start looking for a new mommy, or that she is an incredible burden on all of us, and asks me constantly why I keep her around. Her lack of confidence in my love pains me worse than her being bedridden ever has.

Thanks for letting me write...I'll check back with you all soon.