Dear Mari,

yes i will have to be more specific perhaps in the way i pose questions to ppl i interview. if i manage to do this it will be shots in the dark beyond what i can et through the phone.

i just realized a typo in one of those parts that you highlighted, thought i better correct it - i'm missing a 'not' - inserted in red.

"i still have NO idea what to do about the FEELINGS that are evoked when these ppl tease. the feelings are about ME not about them, and my behavior towards THEM does NOT control MY feelings."

in the uncorrected form it may have misled to think that i believe my behavior towards others then feeds back into how i feel. that is not what i meant to say. i meant to say, while on the one hand i can perhaps handle the social (external) aspects in a useful way, that is not true of the feelings (internal).

CBT is basically behaviorist theory applied to humans, channelling through the thought process. it holds that feelings are the result of thoughts. i think this can be true in some cases (and CBT is useful applied to those) but not all.

i think sometimes feelings are produced in other ways, emerge spontaneously. sometimes the problem is not the quality of feeling, but the intensity. managing feelings in real time is something i need to learn. i believe this skill is distinct from analysis of feelings, and necessary regardless of their "cause" if any.

thank you for helping me to think these things through.

~ waves ~