Sounds like a very complex position you are in. But I can tell you, it doesn't take BPD to mess your head up that way. It can happen to anyone, although I imagine your condition certainly doesn't help.

I worked for my father for fifteen years doing a job I hated, never getting promoted or recognized. Even after a decade on the job, he would hire new people and pay them just as much as he paid me. But I stayed because I felt guilty. Everytime I would talk about doing something else, my dad would tell me that if I left, he would have to lock the doors and go out of business. (Ours was a small family enterprise)

In the end it didn't help him or me. It just caused a whole lot of suffering for me. I won't comment on what you said about leaving EVERYONE behind, because I honestly believe in keeping certain commitments. But it's really none of my business in your case. I do believe that you should think really hard about where you are right now, where you'll likely be in a few years if you follow your current path, and what other paths you can follow if you want to get off the one you are now on. Whew! That sounds complicated.

It's your life, but you have to take control of it by and for yourself. Don't wait forever. I wish you the best of luck in whatever it is you decide to do.