Dear Waves,
I want a normal peaceful day for you too.
I am trying to separate the issues of mood, meds, sleep, work, weight, and feelings of general unsteadiness. Am I understanding right that you are depressed in mood but also up in not-good energized way?
This
Quote:
|
i get told off/pushed back for being audacious/loud. parents constantly telling me keep it down. at work its a strain not to keep an undercurrent of verbage flowing
|
and also this
Quote:
|
i am getting more aggressive and i don't mean assertive. it goes in waves... not constant, and anxiety comes and goes. i feel like i'm in a whirlwind and stuck at the same time.
|
Looking only at this, you sound too up or to. energized in non-helpful way. Maybe this "up-ness" is med related. Maybe it is combined with something else.
When I am not getting enough sleep (most of the time), I act that way because I over compensate for the lack of sleep by keeping my body and brain "up." It's not good for interactions with other people, but I don't have much alternative. Is this similar to what you describe?
I'm concerned that you are missing a med you were relying on to sleep. That stinks.
Quote:
|
of course i don't want to end up getting manic, getting really really really up on a high horse and quitting my job because someone or something
|
:> Focus instead of what you do want to do. Here are some affirmations that you can modify:
http://www.aplacefortheheart.co.uk/f...ffirmation.htm
I love myself, therefore I work at a job that I truly enjoy doing, one that uses all my talents and abilities, working with and for people that I love and love me, and earning a good income.
I love myself, therefore I love totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright, and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the universe and the universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.
Here is my attempt:
I am good at my work. I have a good future.
You can come up with your own mantras and switch them around.
Quote:
|
i hate taking all these drugs. i hate hate hate hate hate hate it.
|
It's fine to vent here. If you really feel this, you can try to reframe. The drugs are working for you somewhat / for the most part. They are helping you.
You need something for yourself besides trying to work, commute, deal with home, keep up with laundry/ grooming for work, keep up with meds. I want you to have some life. OK. I don't know how to say what I am looking for. I think maybe you need some time for yourself. . . . time to be you. . . .Music did that for you. Exercise does that for some people. Meditation can do that. Do you have a place you can go to sometimes (once a week?) where you can do you stuff? Think you stuff? Or not think about anything at all? Twenty minutes.
I'm also hearing that you are isolated. You don't have anybody you trust even with one or two of these matters. That is hard. That is what is coming out in your posts. I'm sorry. Not being supported ("uplifted" . . . is a word I've heard) is contributing to this bouillabaisse.
Mari