thank you both.

Dear Mari

i would not describe myself as depressed at all. too up and too energized in a non-helpful way fits. i get down, at times, but it quickly leads to more aggressive than fugitive states.

anxiety/stress in my situation is "normal" just don't help things... also precipitating migraines, feeding back into work-related stress....etc...

it's like a revved/tired. i cannot relax. i may feel tired, i feel tired inside, in my mind. even after i come home after a long, intense day, where i threw myself into work full-force and finally land back home and "kick back" my mind keeps on and on, my muscles hurt but can't stop - i can lie down, but i move around (i do not - well, did not used to! have restless legs)... it's physical and mental agitation even when exhausted.

i feel like i'm always 'on'.

oh and i have been playing/singing some these days... i began to impose this some evenings when i came home from my other job "cooked" i made straight for the guitar and glass of water and told mom put dinner away that's not what i need right now. so doing that sometimes.

i picked up the gabapentin but as you may recall, for me, i get used to it quickly (4-5 days), whereupon even augmenting the dose fails to produce a knockout effect.