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Originally Posted by Mari
I am trying to separate the issues of mood, meds, sleep, work, weight, and feelings of general unsteadiness.
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LOL yeah my post was a mess huh? figure Chaos at least reflects the first post...
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When I am not getting enough sleep (most of the time), I act that way because I over compensate for the lack of sleep by keeping my body and brain "up." It's not good for interactions with other people, but I don't have much alternative. Is this similar to what you describe?
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no - i am not sleep-deprived. i know those feelings though... i do get that way when sleep deprived but usually it is evident by grogginess and a need for caffeine... which hasn't been the case. i do need my usual caffeine, but not more than that.
i have not quite totally run out yet... getting there... trying to split what i have as much as i can but not much left to split
and you bet.... it stinks!
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Focus instead of what you do want to do. Here are some affirmations that you can modify
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Here is my attempt:
I am good at my work. I have a good future.
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i like your attempt.
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The drugs are working for you somewhat / for the most part. They are helping you.
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that is a good side to think about. but also the scary part. that they work. or i mean. they seem to. sorta kinda not always, and only just barely... i'm walking a razor's edge...
then i heard about the massacre in norway and thought man, compared to that guy, i'm the model of sanity. those poor kids.
but i'm still walking the edge ... i've felt this way before... i feel like a coiled spring.
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I'm also hearing that you are isolated. You don't have anybody you trust even with one or two of these matters. That is hard. That is what is coming out in your posts. I'm sorry. Not being supported ("uplifted" . . . is a word I've heard) is contributing to this bouillabaisse.
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true, true, true. i don't have a friend i can go out for cheap chinese (or cheap BBQ) and talk about face to face. No privacy for calling. there is one person i've been talking to but they would become too alarmed and often we speak when i am in transits... with ppl who live in my town or work nearby or whatever... not ppl you want to hear stuff about moods and meds and whatnot.
it has been hard. i have not even known how to post here. i have been posting more about work ... it ties in of course. positives there imply positives in general but the thing is i still feel .... yeah, like my "stability" is on a razor's edge, and sometimes completely illusory and i walk on air.
you may remember the 911 stuff. that is kinda back. it never really went away. what went away is it doesn't scare me. i just take it as a sign i cannot avoid. but i am not hounded by 911 sightings right now, this is helpful.
~ waves ~