I've not had this surgery, Tina, so I can't help you there. It certainly sounds scary, so I can understand your being terrified. I hope you get to converse with people here who've been thru it, so you can hear from "them what's been thru it"!

In the meantime, though, have you asked about your surgeon's success rate? The hospital's? It might make you feel better to find out that on average you're being operated on by a top doc at a place where this surgery has a high success rate. Now, if it turns out that's not the case, you might want to ask some more questions. I'm betting the kids can find ways to get to school with friends or somehow, & all the other stuff can be worked out. I think it all comes down really to this: You're scared. But that's normal.

Facing surgery of that complexity & risk, I'd think a few sessions with a therapist or counselor wouldn't be amiss. Do you have any such thing available? Talk with your surgeon.

As for putting the surgery off, I'd think that would only increase the risks of having it done later--you'd be older, your back more deteriorated. There will always be reasons not to do it now. If not because the kids can't drive, then because they can!

A lot of us here are facing things which sometimes have us scared. We stop by to say so, & to get some virtual hand-holding & s. Feel free, any time.