When I think of the times I was thinking about snuffing myself it feels like I was a different person and I get angry at myself for being that person. The one I love loved me even as that person, so I try to forgive myself. He is determined that as I change that I make sure I am the same person. We have discussed end of life scenarios and decided to use extraordinary measures to live longer, to be with each other longer. How different and how better this feels.