Hey... I just finished my phD project presentation in front of the "whole" institute I work in and it was horrible and pathetic... Im so dissapointed and desilutioned...
Im going to try to put this crappy story in a short post so you dont get bored...
So basically, Im working with 5 different types of nervous system tumors, 3 of them respond to my treatment, 2 dont... The 2 that dont respond seem to have more than one "receptor"... I need of course to make lot of more work to find out what is that "other receptor" and characterize it... But I was like super excited thinking I could separate my patients in 2 groups, the ones with 1 receptor, and the ones with 2 etc... and give them different treatments etc... I was also super excited to listen to the phDs opions about my work as in october I have my exam coming, etc... and guess what...
the public was very poor, the auditorium was probably 50% empty and the main public were students... like me or even younger... just 4 phDs and one of them was my boss...
I didnt get a single question related to my work or experiments... I only got attacks from the students... if I said green, one started saying blue, and the other one red... According to them all my experiments are nonsense and precisly the things I still need to do are the important ones...
Then, if I was explaining something, they would interrup me and they kept asking again and again the same thing I had just said seconds before...
I started to feel stupid and at one point I had to tell them that I had just said precisly what they were asking...
So, in this institution, only the molecular experiments count... no matter what you find, your results, the importance they might have in the clinic... just the amount of experiments you do and the money you spend (waste) doing them...
The phDs were probably falling asleep... at the end, the students were fighting among them trying to prove who were more "intelligent" when to be honest they just show how ignorant and rude they all are...
The worst part was that at the end, my boss told me that I have to be more "zen" and dont show symptoms of desesperation...
Ok, seriously, I was not desperated at all, but I felt I had to defend my work, my project... I have been investing my time, my life in this crap for the last 2 years of my life plus the research I did before and I have to just close my mouth and accept all their attacks ?? Sorry, Im not Jesus...
She admitted they were rude and stuff but she didnt like my position either it seems...
In resume, I feel abandoned, like nobody is rooting for me or supporting me or my findings...
I hate this place... I was about to scream "There are children out there dying of cancer and you want me to waste 3 years characterizing this stupid **** ?? who cares what is it and how is it ?? If we can help people with this, forget about the molecular aspect of this crap" Argh...
Science you son of a b*** and your pathetic sons...
Sorry friends, Im just... blah.
*speechless*