Dear Phyllis,
I just wanted to quickly say that you did ask "What would you, guys,do???".

I must say that in answering your posts, my main concern has been for you. I don't know anything at all about the whole situation apart from your posts. I wrote exactly what I thought I would do considering I only know a tiny, tiny piece of information about the situation.

My concern is for you because of course you feel you need to help your friend so much but you are involved to the extent that you are agreeing with your friend about certain things and I'm not even sure if you are friends with Arthur's fiance or truly know the full story.

Can you understand that we don't know these things? We only know the words on a computer screen. We don't know if his fiance has been told by doctors that even with treatment she will not live. We don't know anything really except that you are trying to help your friend, Arthur. That of course, is commendable.

A year ago my neighbour lost her mother. Her mother was ill for a very long time and told none of her family. When the time came that she was so ill that it couldn't be hidden any longer, her family were devastated. They were so angry with her! It was a roller-coaster. My neighbour's husband and son were away working and I found myself in the situation of trying to hold her up as best I could.

I have to tell you, it was one of the most exhausting times of my life. Mainly because she came to depend on me, morning, noon and night. I am glad that I was able to support her, but it was extremely traumatic. I lost my mother when I was 4 years old (to cancer). She was a very young woman. There wasn't a day went by while I was supporting my neighbour that I didn't think about my own situation. It's just natural.

My concern is for you. I would like to suggest that Arthur also find help from someone like a social worker. Someone trained in support of the type that he and his fiance will need in the months to come. I trained as a nurse many moons ago, but when a situation such as you have posted becomes so personal that you share your opinions with your friend, then it's very difficult to dissociate oneself from the emotional turmoil that is to come.

I hope you understand my reasons for posting. None of us answer to upset you or hurt you or confuse you. We post because you asked the questions. We're not there with you in the moment, Phyllis.