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Originally Posted by Mari
[COLOR="DarkGreen"]Waves,
I think I answered my own question. Traveling is different from working.
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YEAH - travelling is FUNNN, unlike having yer boss micromanage your code and give you unreadable notes. i miss crazy boss with his elegant mathematical discourses and exquisite handwriting via his exquisite pen an instrument so delicate only one with equally delicate feel could... er... pilot (no pen pun intended). nor plane iether. just plain.
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Yesterday I spoke to my sister about an almost normal conversation earlier that day. I told her that my goal every time I interact with someone is not to get hauled away in cuffs and a police car. I told her that I had a good day. I came home and under my own power.
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that is hilarious and terrifying at the same time. i guess that goes with what you describe....
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I'm not even manic but I feel manic energy . . . as if I could go from below baseline and skip up past out-of-control very easily. I don't know what that is about but I feel that even though I am fundamentally depressed, I can hold my entire range of emotions in the same moment of interaction.
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you sound like you have full mixed characteristics but that they are incheck insofar as you don't blow most of the time and do a good job and have a marriage that hasn't failed like many .... but the song is still the same constantly keeping that in check must be exhausing.
i am sorry. in away i wish once, you could have a pure manic episode or maybe better a pure hypomanic episode so you retain lucidity all or most of the time as you do now..... but with mood above baseline and performance enhanced. mania gest confusing after a while. it is all i can do to remember things at work i forget everything else. i get crossed when ppl try to remind me coz it gets mixed up is all. i can't concentrate recently and realized whta i thought i did the past week that i did write is like totally wrong wrong wrong and i have to do it all again an itwas the hardes t part i hope i can focus more when i come back. lots of pressure my boss said (GEEZ, THANKS!!!) so i started to get anxious but then i got spittin' angry instead and the anxiety went poof. that if ind happens when i am strongly above baseline ... hard to break the wave... only shave the crest and more water just comes over the top heheh. very labile yes ... reactions can cut back and forth like jumping jack flash its a gas gasss gassssss
oh i loved that movie with Whoopi Goldberg!
when they pentothal'd her and she held out... and the scene with the cast iron pan???? oh man!!!!
~ waves ~