I think I have emaild my family almost the exact as at least these last couple replies. Is there a word insted of dreaming like night maring? Lately I keep feeling like I am so close to it just being done and that I am ok and then when my brother walks in the room I just still can not talk. I think that is actually worse now then before. Or maybe i just can not remember if I have been able to talk to any one in long time but I think I could. That is one of the things that is hard because I am not sure what was real or what maybe I imagined or was dreaming?
But Friday I was feeling better I know I even ate dinner with my brother instead of in this bed room by my self.
But then yesterday I almost killde his dog. he was pulling a trailer out of his garage and I walked out with his dog and she just kept walking to the tire and I could not even get my self to say "come here" or to tell him to stop. i just kept looking at her and back and forth at my hand that was slapping on my leg wondering why it did not seem like it was making any noise like a nother slow motion night mare that I could not stop. the tire did run over her foot but she seems ok. I had to just get right back to this bed room I felt such a retard and needed to throw up.