trip is back on but deferred to wednesday departure (2 days forward).
a few other things transpired, but on top of that, i also realized, geez, like it or not, manic or not, i made these plans with these ppl, and it is a sort of commitment. i would feel like a rat if i didn't honor it even if i feel like a rat about some aspects of it. some things at least have been sorted out on their end. so i am going.
-------- i am having prep misadventures:
it is a good thing i changed my flight - i had to call the airlines directly coz the other number didn't work!
BUT...
had i gone to the airport today, as planned, unenlightened... i would have been denied boarding!!!! 
turns out passport mandatory even though within EU!
i just had to chase down a validation thingie for my passport. and TG i already had a passport - there wouldn't have been time to request one!!!!! then i couldnt' find my wallet to pay for it. i left and rummaged in my purse and found the wallet ... came back... ARGHHHH!!!!!
i also made sure bank/pharmacy straightened out - i was double billed. UGHHH!.... multiple calls to multiple places and menu navigation.... i think the pharmacy actually had to cancel a transaction this morning. good thing i didn't call earlier or i would have freaked. i am slightly freaked.
i am stressed out SO BAD right now!!!
i just want to lie down for like 2 hours.
i don't know if i have time but i am taking a 'breather break.' try to engage mind in something grounding and safe. i have to learn stress tolerance. i used to have more of it....i think??? sigh.
------------------ bad omens
i am see all these things as bad omens on the trip, despite the fact they were resolved. it is like God or the Universe saying, hey, NO GOOD!!! even my company had trouble leaving, checking in, departing, one lost their luggage - it arrived finally... everything just seems to have a shroud over it you know.... you can see your way through, but not with clarity and simplicity. everything murky. everything difficult. obstacle course.
~ waves ~