Hi Karen
Hi Jackie,

I'm thinking of asking my consultant about paddles too but he's not a neuro surgeon and for that reason he might just say stick with what were doing. I like him too, he's the only Dr I've ever met that actually cares, that knows pain.

Since I got the implant i've definitely had some relief but nothing like what I was hoping for, the revision surgery I had in terms of pain didn't make any difference, I do think that that the pain is now lower, going from my lower back to a ring of pain around my hips, that ring of pain has always been there and the sacro illiac joint in my hip, apparently it's related to the facet joints, lord I dunno.

The pain sucks alot, my left leg is throbbing away and i'm sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself, sick and tired of this stupid ring of pain around my hips and it just never lets up. My muscles are jerking alot too, does anyone else have this. As for the drugs they just don't touch the pain.

Some days I cope better than others and I lie alot. I say i'm fine when actually I'm not but I guess we all do that. I'm so ****** that my consultant cancelled last weeks appointment and waiting another month really annoys me. The man is entitled to a holiday, I don't deny him that, he works hard. I've asked for a cancellation and I will ring again on Friday to see if they have one.

I really, really am struggling at the moment and i'm feeling really down. I spend all day lying down because it's when i feel less pain, thankfully right now I don't have to work. Thankfully I know myself, i'm strong, decisive and a bit of a tough cookie, i guess that's why I hide the pain so much.
I'm trying to get out and just walk even for a few minutes just to clear my head but spasms just stop that one. I guess I know what i have to do but doing it is the hard part.

Tomorrow i'm going to try and get an appointment with my GP to see if he can even help me cope with the downess, if Im stronger in myself I can cope better.

I also know that Karen and Jackie are tough ladies too, we can get through this, we can cope but it sometimes is hard to see the wood from the trees.

I'm glad to have somewhere like this to let off steam, to share especially when we're all going through the same thing.

Thanks guys,

love Sinéad