I keep showing up in this forum, also Stumble Inn. I guess I ought to confess why all this lurking before I say anything else.

Multiple doctors (mostly neurologist's) have been involved in trying to diagnose a fairly wide range of symptoms that began about 15 yrs ago. From the start, MS has been mentioned. Whenever a test could indicate that, the results are negative. But after 15 yrs, they still say they've not eliminated MS. I've read a lot over the yrs, & I understand how this could be. But I am more than weary of it. I'm a big fan of Common Sense... So treat me already, just a little bit, see what happens...

Okay. That's why I drop by here. Yes, it does seem sometimes as if I might belong here. But Im really not a fan of actually self-diagnosing, I am hoping the docs will arrive at a dx. But I saw your thread-starter & it took me back to when my dad first died & I faced a major change...

I had cared for him for years until he died from Alzheimer's & I was 50. I had adequate retire investments (I thought) & was working as a research editor & occasional ghostwriter. I could work from anywhere. I wanted to do it in New Mexico, with enough land for critters.

I saw a ForSaleByOwner.com property, 21 acres, 1895 sq ft modern adobe (18" walls), stone foundations, hand-hewn wood ceilings, hardwood floors. 3 fireplaces. Solar everything (30yr warranty) except for wind-powered wells. Thermal windows. Gorgeous photos. Gorgeous views. High desert, near ice caves, a forested national wilderness, & so much more. Asking price was high for NM--but I could have bought a spot on the a.m. radio real estate talk show. I could have sold my FL condo for cash within a month & had enough to buy the NM property outright plus enough left to finance the move.

I emailed for more information. I got a multiple-paged response from the woman who'd built this place during her working years to house her dream retirement (eerily akin to mine). She'd had a heart-attack several months after she'd moved in. She was now in a nursing home. She wanted to know all about me & what I would do with the place. She sent some of her writing, everything dated. Poetry. Short stories. I'm not sure she realized it, but I don't think she wanted to live after a few months in the nursing home & putting the property up.

I didn't buy. I would have hated every inch of it, because even if she were still alive in some nursing home somewhere her sadness must haunt that place. It would have haunted me, anyway, in that place.

Dreams have a real part in what sustains us, & nothing in life ought to just outright murder them. Ironically, my dream (hers in the outer description) has suffered badly too, over the 15 yrs of increasing debilitation. So I empathize. I rail on her behalf and mine and yours and everyone whose dreams were slaughtered by disease--& flash that Edvard Munch painting of The Scream in all directions--the one that says "Not fair--this pain--there are no words."

Having the financial burden there means the dream still lives although of course you know it's over--of course you do. But with that expense gone you could now have an extra million bucks a month, & the loss of the dream is still greater than any possible gain.

I know that nothing anyone says help, but I'm saying this for me. I want to feel better. It's not healthy, I'm sure, but I appreciate company with my misery. Thanks for listening.