Remember, Blue, the conversation about whether parents choose children &/or children choose parents? Related to that, buddhists (& the Navajos, who are very like buddhists though why I don't know) believe that between incarnations we choose our next lives, with appropriate strengths & weaknesses, in order to give ourselves the opportunity to grow stronger & nearer perfection than we ever could in our previous lives. Subsequent lives must be increasingly difficult.

Now i'm not saying you need to believe this, but please consider it (especially since hundreds of millions DO believe it!) in light of your situation now. From this perspective, the bad things that happen to good people are not payback. These are things we chose in order to provide the opportunity for growth.

As the most mundane of examples...I suppose I might have chosen to be this ridiculously short this time around so that I would stretch more & improve my yoga & so give more time to meditation...which surely has improved my spiritual life. If I were 6" taller, I wouldn't do as much yoga--true.

Since we make these choices in a consciousness other than that of the life in which we live the challenge, its kind of like tricking yourself into improvement. Put that way, it strikes me as dumb. Probably why no one asks me to write religious criticism.

Yours is a beautiful, talented, generous, loving soul. We all see that so clearly. How ironic that you don't. Your sight problem goes deeper than your eyes. This may sound really nuts, but do you believe in asking for revelation? If so, ask for self-revelation. If you can glimpse yourself as we see you, BlueMajo, you are going to be one pleasantly surprised & pleased young woman!