Hi, everybody:

I feel sooo, sooo sad and desperate, especially since the morning of this day, August 18, 2011. Since this day, one of the most horrible days in my life, all my thoughts turn around one thing: death, death, death, and death. No, I am not happy to be alive. *admin edit*
You must be wondering why I want sooo much to die. I do not remember if I told you what my main RSD problem has been for the past few years. Here it is. I have a feeling of icy cold running through my veins and arteries and I have another feeling of insects crawling through my veins and arteries. For much people, including people with RSD, my problem with these two feelings might not seem like a big deal, compared to the problems they have. However, for me, it is a very, very big deal. These two feelings, which occur practically every day, make my life pure hell, an icy cold one full of insects. These two feelings just drive me crazy. When these two feelings happen, I feel sooo horribly bad that, when I am home, I lie on my bed to cry until my pillow is soaked wet with my tears and I writhe in all directions on my bed.

There is no RSD specialist in French Polynesia. The only pain management doctor in French Polynesia is not knowledgeable about RSD and he is not reliable, kind, compassionate, caring, and understanding: what would you think of a pain management doctor who treats you like your RSD and its pain and other symptoms are in your mind and who tells you the new kind of fentanyl patches without a reservoir can be cut in two? The neurologists in French Polynesia, including my two neurologists, do not want to take care of my RSD problems for reasons they refuse to share with me. My primary care doctors and all other primary care doctors do not know much, if anything, about RSD. So what do I do?

This morning, August 18, 2011, I went to see my cardiologist, after reading on many RSD associations’ and other reliable medical web sites, that my two feelings (icy cold and insects; see description above) can be vasospasms linked to RSD, full body or not. After doing an EKG, the cardiologist dismissed me, telling me these two feelings are not vasospasms but are symptoms caused by anxiety and stress, which is absolutely not true. I do feel anxiety and stress, but they are caused by my having these two feelings of icy cold running through my veins and arteries and of insects crawling through my veins and arteries. The contrary (these two feelings causing anxiety and stress) is completely false. If I do not have vasospasms, caused or not by RSD, then what do I have? I strongly, strongly believe it is not just psychological symptoms.

Result: the cardiologist prescribed nothing to help me with these two feelings of icy cold and insects. He just prescribed anti-anxiety and anti-stress medications for me, which I have already taken these past few years when I had these two feelings of icy cold and insects. I have even taken anti-depressant medications also. All of these medications, anti-anxiety, anti-stress, and anti-depressant, are not effective at all at controlling these two feelings of icy cold and insects. This is proof to me that these two feelings are not caused by anxiety, stress, and depression. Otherwise, these two feelings of icy cold and insects would have been cured or at least controlled by these medications.

So what do I do? No doctors in the United States or elsewhere would prescribe any medications for me to help control the feelings of icy cold running through my veins and arteries and of insects crawling through my veins and arteries. If they did, the pharmacists in French Polynesia told me they would accept their prescriptions.

My other option is to order some medications on the Internet. In this case, I would have to “play doctor” and choose the medications I think will help me most with these two feelings of icy cold and insects. Of course, I am not a doctor or other medical professional who can write prescriptions, but what other choice do I have left? The only one I see is: DEATH! This is a solution I am not ruling out. The five problems I see when ordering medications on the Internet are:
1) Will I really get all the medications I ordered?
2) Will these medications be counterfeit?
3) Will the Internet web sites selling prescription medications without asking for a prescription only take my money without sending me the medications?
4) Will these medications be expensive, much more expensive than in pharmacies, for example?
5) Will the customs in French Polynesia seize the medications? I know no people coming to French Polynesia regularly or from time to time that would be willing to bring the medications ordered on the Internet. If this were the case, these people would have to order the medications I choose themselves and have them sent to an address of their choice so they can pick them up and bring them to me. Of course, I would reimburse them for all the costs incurred.

*admin edit*

Thanks for everything and for letting me vent. I will reply to your individual posts tomorrow.