thanks Mari.

my body has been telling me hateful things about how i live for many many years ... and it only seems to be getting worse. my profession was a practical choice - intellectual not emotional - certainly not balanced. i thought i could change at some point... never did... there were always too many reasons to lie low. then i started getting sick and it being tied into work. the illness was more mental emotional. now i am having physical problems that seem to tie in.

i guess that is partly why the intellectualization of the discussion... one day i asked my pdoc if he thought i could be somatizing my discomfort with my profession, and he said he thought it possible (no real way to tell).

in my first meeting with this pdoc, he saw me in an agitated depression. he asked lots of questions about where i was at and what i wanted. he gave me a mood stabilizer right away. he also told me that from what he was hearing, at least right then, it sounded like a change in fields might be good for me.

i do know none of me (body, mind, spirit, aura, whatever) wants to go back into my current workplace on monday, least of all in my current state. oddly, even though most of the people are nice, i seem to be hating this one even more than the hard days i had at the other place. i might ascribe that simply to more time back in the trade and wearing me down....

~ waves ~