Hi, Chemar:

Quote: "The reason I gave you the suicide forum link was because that is the only place on Neurotalk that we allow any discussion on suicide." I called my American psychiatrist yesterday, as ballerina had suggested that I do. I asked him why, on the one hand, I wanted to die and why, on the other hand, I did not want to die. He told me it was because, in reality, I do not want to die; in fact, I want my RSD and its pain to die. I realized, thanks to this psychiatrist, that he was right. Like I said in a previous message, I do enjoy life. Besides that, I would never want to abandon my two-year-old baby boy by dying. If this happened, that is, if I died, my son would be put into an orphanage in which he would be only a number. I want to avoid this at all cost. My parents hate him just because he is not my biological son, but my adopted son, so they would never take care of him. My son's biological mother wants nothing to do with him. She does not consider this child as her son. I do.

I love my baby boy from the bottom of my heart. When he sees me crying in pain, he climbs onto my lap, hugs me with his little arms, pats me onto my head, wipes off my tears, kisses me on my cheeks, and tells me something like: "Baby love Mommy". I guess he learned to do this because I am used to doing this when he is sad and cries.

*admin edit* I feel sooo lonely. When my son grows up, he will get married, have children of his own, and leave me. I am afraid he will reject me when he finds out I am not his biological mother.

I have nothing against posting in the suicide forum. One question I have for you is: "Are there, in the suicide forum, patients with RSD? According to the American psychiatrist I talked to yesterday, only, yes, only RSD patients will be able to understand me. The other users of the suicide forum, as loving as they are, could not understand what it is like to live with RSD, unless they had it. If they do not know what it is like to live with RSD, how could they understand me and help me with my suicide feelings? All suicide cases are not alike.

Quote: "But if you need to discuss suicidal feelings, then it must be in the Survivors of Suicide forum." You just said this forum is for "Survivors of Suicide". I am not a survivor of suicide, since I never tried killing myself.

Since my primary care doctor cares enough about me to try to help me with the feeling of icy cold running through my veins and arteries and the feeling of insects crawling through my veins and arteries, by prescribing a beta blocker for me, propranolol, you can be sure I do not want to die anymore. I just needed to be helped by a doctor for these two feelings.

I do not have suicidal thoughts anymore. I just feel sooo sad because I have full body RSD. I am in a grieving period (I am grieving my body, which I lost to RSD), just like people who lost a loved one are grieving the person they lost to death.

Thank you for understanding me and my sadness over the loss of my body to RSD. Thank you also for letting me print out the picture of the German shepherds and cat. When I feel sad, like right now, I read not only all the messages of the loving users of this forum, who try to help me; I also look at this picture to laugh until my ribs ache. I do not care when the people around me look at me as if I am crazy when I laugh alone. These people do not know what my RSD "life" is like. For me, the most important thing is to be able to laugh during the times of sadness and grieving.

Do you know where I can find all sorts of humorous pictures, such as the one in your posts? It would be so nice for me and possibly others to be able to put such pictures in prominent places so we can laugh when we are sad. Thanks for the information.