Rrae, your post could have been written by me. I too, suffered off an on with depression.I called it a "dark hole" that thru the help of God; I began pulling myself to the light. I know I have to be very careful because the darkness (once you have had this type) is always waiting for you
Saffy, Mark put it all in such a beautiful way. I still struggle; but always looking for the "light". I take Vallum (5mg) as well. I take it with some pain meds about 11:45 a.m. and 4:45 p.m. Take half of a 25mg amytriptline around 9:30 p.m. I do take Ambien CR, late evening and a short time later additional pain meds. I started feeling badly for my husband having breakfast alone; not sure it was the worring about him; but that got me to get up out of bed and have a strong cup of coffee with him and talk with him for a while and then after a short time, I start doing odds and ends. Before I knew it the day was getting away from me too fast. I did not want to get back in bed and have not done so in a long time. I only hope and pray that you are able to get out from under the covers/bed and make the most, with the help of God, of the quality time you have left. I know, at times, it's hard to believe there is quality; but when I take the time to look around at all the "blessings I have"; gratitude fills me.
Love & Hugs to you Saffy!!!