Dear Dej,

I've seen this thread on my last couple of visits and resisted even reading it because I knew exactly what you were going to say and share with everyone.

I understand you may not care what I have to say or how I may say it and that's fine the choice is always yours.

I have grown well passed this stage you are currently experiencing. Not that it is a good thing or a bad thing, it just is, with me anyway. Several, alright everyone who has responded knows exactly what you are experiencing and it sucks worse than a Dyson vacuum cleaner, not to mention it is painful.

The bottom line with all humans, what they think and care about most is themselves. The best conversation any person seems to have with anyone is when the other person says nothing and lets the talker continue on and most of the time oblivious they are the primary talker and the subject is themselves. However, when it comes to the chronically ill, the treatment is almost overtly rude.

I read some where in this type of situation where people ask, "how are you," 9 out of 10 are only looking for the obligatory, "Fine!" When it goes passed that 50% flat don't care and utilize the tactics you've experienced and the other 50% are glad to hear it thinking, "better you than me."

We are powerless to change them, only ourselves. To protect myself and try to maintain self-respect when asked, "how are you," I look them dead in the eye and ask, "do you 'really' want to know or will the answer 'fine' satisfy you?" What a difference that question made. Even then some would truly listen, most not and that's fine.

We learn quickly once we reach this stage of illness and lack of functionality who our real friends are. I use the qualifier, 1) will you cry at my funeral? 2) will you come to my funeral? Well, if you won't cry or even come to my funeral, why should I place any credence in what you think or say about me? Don't even ask me about the turn-out if there is no food or worse, it rains. We each have to deal with this grossly unfair and uncomfortable situation in our own comfortable way. Thus, I have no answers.

Only know Dej, you are NOT alone and this is why this board exist. Your venting has even been cathartic for me and I thank you for being so forthright. All I can add Dej is you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace be with you.