i had one of the scariest nights of my life last night. i have my medical maryjane card and after a bad experience with a pot brownie, i held off for about 2 months trying anything. well, last night i decided to try a hash oil capsule i had acquired last month. i took it about 1130pm, and for the next few hours all was ok. i was messing around on my pc, and next thing i knew it was 4am and my arm was hurting me, which led me to pop an oxycodone. about an hour later i was going crazy, could not control my arms and legs, they were flailing about madly as i was lying on my bed. my mind was racing, i was unable to think clearly, at one point i thought i had had a stroke, and may never recover, i was in "agony" at this time, it was like all my neurons in my arms and legs were firing and the pain was incredible. i still feel it in my knees 18 hours later.

when i thought i may have had a stroke, i thought "i cannot live like this" and remembered my gun that i had in my chest of drawers. my mind seemed to tell me that i needed to get it and shoot myself in the head, i was trying to resist the urge, i was visualizing the action and trying to find some way out of it. i remember thinking, this is how people end up killing themselves, their mind takes over and they cannot resist it. finally, after what seemd like a logn time, i got up and sort of locked myself in the bathroom and sat down until the thought finally went away. i returned to my bedroom, laid back down and the flailing subsided a little and eventually i fell asleep. when i woke 4 hours later i felt essentially normal, but physically beat. i am not messing with mmj again, i guess i just can't handle it.

it was very scary feeling like i was not in control, and i feel like i nearly did not make it out alive from that experience. i put things together when i was speaking to my best friend this afternoon, that everything had been fine until i took that oxycodone. so, the mmj did not help with the pain and seemed to trip me out in a horrible way...

p.s. i know i sound crazy, but no voices in my head or anythign now...