Dear Steve,

i'm so sorry for causing alarm.

the shocked thing was coz i got real freaked out over something. but it is ok now. the past few days i have had a run of migraines that did not respond to meds and i can't use the pc much then. i'd come on here do a couple things and have to turn it off - probably why i forgot to switch the mood back.


other than that i am ok... relatively speaking.... other than being depressed and not the "standard" kind, but agitated depression - depression is predominant, but with some manic symptoms so i can't take an antidepressant.

lots of anxiety too, although some has dissipated since the work contract has been terminated, and in a way that feels fair and honest to me. i am still anxious about my future. i don't know when i will be able to get back in the saddle and have mountains of expenses hanging over me. i seem to be ok when i stay in a "pressure-free" bubble at home, but, the 'okness' is illusory. i try to step out... i am overwhelmed. but i can't stay here forever. pdoc says i have to rest, but he wasn't very specific. he left me to do a lot of surmising. i am not very happy with his (lack of) feedback.

i've also been running sleep-deprived and during sleep having very busy and complicated dreams that would shake me up and often wake me up. it was like my mind was racing awake AND asleep. no fun. :Nooo: but i finally slept all of yesterday. and a couple hours tonight. i notice the dreams are getting less vivid. whew.

thank you for checking on me. i hope you are managing ok. we can get through this. we've done it before. we'll do it again.

~ waves ~