thanks Bizi.

i haven't even really been able to "spill it" all here. there is more going on than the work thing. some pretty heavy stuff, too.

---------------------------

still, i don't know if the depression is tied to any of that, or anything specific.

the depression is mild compared to others i've had, but difficult in terms of the mixed sx. i think the big depression came last spring... where in june i finally decided to start zoloft.

i think it is more of a segue to the months and months of running high and being medicated down but with breakthrough sx throughout requiring med tweaks etc. all that started last december. it ended almost inexplicably in august. that's a fairly long time. i have never had to take such high doses of freakin depakote. i ended up taking close to double my previous max dose, for most of that period. that is after i refused to take any more zyprexa.

so, i guess this is just what i would call the "fall out" period. loss of the sense of power. i feel something has been knocked out of me now. if it is just an "adjustment" i'll level out soon.

---------------------------

on the other hand i am having so many physical symptoms... could be the depression is expressing through the body. i asked pdoc if i might be somatizing. got a "could be," nothing more. not a way to know, nor how to fix it if i were. thanks.

surely more sleep/rest/quiet will help, if i can get it. home situation is not favorable for that right now.

~ waves ~