I'm so, soooo sorry you are going through this. Many of the things you describe are similar to what my husband went through this year. It is believed he has been suffering from post concussion syndrom in combination with other psychological issues. It's a very scary, sad situation, but he is SO MUCH BETTER now. When things with him were at their most acute I never dreamed he would get better, but he really is better now. It's like a miracle.

So, please hold out hope that this will improve and things will get better and you won't always be like this.

I always say "knowledge is power" but "Dr. Google is NOT our friend!" Hahaha. It's very difficult to do research about medical conditions on the internet and know what is real and what is not. I recommend being very picky about what you read. In my opinion, the best resources for facts are peer-reviewed research published in national trade journals and the best for support are through anecdotal research like you will find in support groups like this. So, you get your hard data from formal research, but get your day-to-day living from places like this. And I ignore the rest.

There are some great support and research sites linked to in this group, so check those out! MayoClinic.com usually gives me a clear idea about what various conditions are and then I browse through the resources listed at the end of their articles for more nitty-gritty details.

Have you told you psychiatrist or psychologist that you are having thoughts of suicide? I really think you should. A change in medication or a new medication could help you. As problematic as all the symptoms you list are, I'm most concerned about your suicidal thoughts. Please contact your psychiatrist and therapist about this NOW. I'm sure they have an after-hours number...

Best wishes,
Rebecca