Hi, Free Kittens:

I have not replied quickly to all the messages because I still refuse the fact that I have full body RSD. This is really depressing. I just HATE this monster that destroys so many lives! I was also afraid of being considered a nut case because of the feelings I have toward myself and my RSD. Besides that, I have very low or no self esteem at all, so I was thinking I am not worth anyone's friendship and caring.

Quote: "Do not make any attempts, I lost my children because of it. I had no other mental health history but they took her anyway." In the U.S., I was moving every three months to avoid being found by CPS. I even gave a fake address to the hospital or medical centers I went to so CPS could not find my baby and steal him. I signed a DPA (Delegation of Parental Authority) for my police officer boyfriend in case something should happen to me, so my baby would be with someone he knows and loves, instead of being with strangers that might abuse him. Now, my baby and I had to flee the U.S. to avoid CPS even though we love this country. My baby and I are very homesick. There is not a single day when I do not dream about the U.S. I miss the U.S.!

Quote: "First, how is your pain level?" My pain level is quite low, thanks to my Duragesic (fentanyl) patches, to my MSIR (morphine sulfate immediate release) capsules, and to my Tambocor (flecaïnide) capsules. The problems are the icy cold feelings and the insect feelings I have in my blood vessels. For these two feelings, I am using Inderal (propranolol) tablets. I can only hope this medication will work; otherwise, I will go crazy with these two feelings. I also take Keppra (levetiracetam) tablets, Klonopin (clonazepam) tablets, and Relpax (eletriptan) tablets. I would like to have some sleeping pills, but my primary care doctor will likely refuse to prescribe them for me.

I used to be interested in writing a journal, but I am afraid my parents would find it and read it, even though they do not have my permission. Even if I had a locked journal, my parents could break in, just like thieves break in a locked house.

Quote: "I thought that my children would be better off if I died." This is also what I thought because I considered myself a bad mother. My baby often says: "Mommy, booboo, baby, booboo."

Thank you very much for your kindness, understanding, and help. I can tell you are a wonderful person, so I hope CPS social workers will open their eyes and give you back your children, so they can have a happy life with you.