I have an inservice that I am to give on wednesday...one of the homecare companies responded to my letter offering them an inservice. I finalized the date just this past wednesday. I have been procrastinating....I only have a few days to prepare...I actually have done this in the past like 8 years ago so I pulled out all of that material and it sounds so stupid. I am going to have to redo it all. Then I remembered while I was trying to sleep but kept ruminating about the inservice...that I had created a packet of material that will help me.....many years ago. So that will help me. I have a great fear of speaking in front of people, I should have been preparing for this when I first sent those letters 2 months ago....now I have less than a week. The DON asked me if there was a charge for my program,,,which means she thinks it will be substantial. I feel pressure, and anxiety.

I have been obsessing about money, yet forgot to do the check book, sigh

I had a dream last night that I was surrounded by these huge dangerous lizards and they kept multiplying they were threatening it was a scary dream and somehow it was my fault all of this happened.. In the end we were able to exterminate the lizards...and there was such a relief...but out of the corner of my eye I saw one last one crawl under the desk. but I caught it and killed it with my bare hands....I think this was an anxiety dream about conquering my fears.

last night as we were getting ready to go to our "downtown live" music concert, I knew that I was trying to save money so I did not want to buy any alcohol there so I impulsively drank almost 4 ounces of tequila, (shooting it) with out jeff knowing about it, secretly. Then had a cider that he knew about.
Not good. The music was fun lots of people turned out, had great pulled pork BBQ sandwiches.

there are other things that I won't go into here......

anyway..I need to work on my inservice and be productive today while jeff is fishing. At 6pm I am hoping to go to "Art walk" with a good friend of mine, we keep saying that we need to get together, I hope we do. She is very grounding for me, she even offered to help me practice my inservice.
bizi