HI.

well, today, i did take a day off sort of.

my mom wants me to look up washing machines. about 6 brands and then i have to wade through specs.... i started but i got very upset because she started to argue with me about how to do the search (without any clue as to how the sites have the filters set up or what i can select etc) SO... i quit, for now. i will do it later.

anyway, the good news.

i saw pdoc yesterday. he feels my hypersensitivity (to certain sounds stimuli etc) will probably pass gradually. He thinks it is a rebound reaction from not being bombarded at work yet having to constrain reactions for the most part. Mom made a good point when i came home: the real question is, when you go back to work, how do you deal with the bombardment without getting overwhelmed after N weeks or months. Take that up next session.

that's right. i said, next session. at the end of the session i said ok, well at this point, i am hard up for cash so... (interrupting) he waved me off briskly saying oh no problem don't worry about it. he wasn't even expecting me to pay for yesterday but i had planned for that. i mean, that would have been rude not to say anything in advance... i suppose at that point i could have saved myself the extra bit o cash, but that felt cheap, if you know what i mean. so anyway i made sure asking if he intended that he would see me the same as before i was working and he said yes of course no problem. so that's that....

i have pdoc again!!!!

but i won't see him weekly for now, because going outside is just so darn hard. i hate the exposure even just to take out the garbage. when i told him that he set my next appointment for week after next instead - still not far off.

he said the dancing is very good even if i don't do it 3-4 times a week. he says it is a good use of the energy i have.

he is seeing a moderate agitated depression or possibly a milder mixed state - i.e. not DSM-V spec full MDE+ME. He said even if mixed, that depression seems predominant, and that i am at risk for a pure MDE. but the agitation he thinks is from stress (ehhh... i don't think he got how many manic sx i am still having but this too is not high severity, so no matter... if they escalate i will take it up again next time or call.)

anyway he said channeling the energy through exercise at this point will get me into my body and out of my head, which counteracts the depressive tendency to be closed upon oneself and "in one's head." he said even better the fact that the exercise is dance because it is expressive. he stressed not to make it into scheduled, rigorous thing, because then if i didn't manage this or that time, i would end up browbeating myself and obtain opposite results (makes sense - but what a relief to hear him say that... i felt let off the hook!)



~ waves ~