hi cathie,
i return the wishes
last night or more like the past few nights UNBEARABLE
my eldest child sara 30 is my advocate and awaiting the results from my surgeon requesting another x-ray, had it 9-7-11 for the outcome of #2 surgery fusion
after many calls for the results, he calls my daughter rather then myself tells her i'm nicely protected with the additional appliance (cage) looks good still fusing
i was beside myself the phone call was this sunday
it is just so complicated
all the doctors
conflicting answers and findings
i wish i never had it done i had no choice but have them
but its so much worse now
my depression is so bad just another doctor i talk weekly with in the first 6 or 7 months now but today i don't want to be here and there is so much too live for i became a gradmother 1st grandchild named eva 9lbs 4oz was there for delivery cathie writing you hurts not only my body, brain but my heart it just isn't what i never imagined i'll take the pain i had before surgery i just for today feel it has taken life away as iu once new it
i couldn't hold my baby girl when born my surgery was april 15th eva came may 4th
your suggestions will be something i am open to
called my doctor this morning for him to send script for my pain meds
i feel abandon from my surgeon i won't have it
just because i'm fusing does not let him off the hook and i told the office that
it bothers me that in the beginning i would speak up and ask about alternative options inversion tables, acupuncture, water therapy
all i mean all doctors said take this take that getting horrible reactions from some of the medicines i'm sick of it not to mention more than half the meds made me sick
so enough ranting but most importantly thank you for the time
i have 4 children 3 are adults and on their own my 13 year old is a sweetheart and she watches me suffer it has got to scare her. i help her understand i'm not going anywhere even though i know something is wrong
i have the fight in me to make my doctors listen but i'm not getting better
the mental anguish alone kills me slowly
it sure is hard to keep a smile on my face when my health is just slipping away
i was once a very active person and that person is gone or rather altered
i understand i'm getting older
but so much is happening so quickly
and it's not just one thing
fear does set in at times
after it does feel like i'm dying
it's just a matter of holding on
MIND OVER MATTER
WITH ALL THAT'S GOING I DO HAVE
FAITH

HAVE YOURSELF A BEAUTIFUL DAY
THANKS MUCH
EVA