Eva, reading your post rewinds me about 2 months ago. I was having the same depression issues as you were, felt as though my whole life was nothing but waking up and dealing with pain and what's the point in that, there has to be more reason to get out of bed then to just hurt, right? Luckily my family doctor is easy to talk to about that, and when I went to see him and told him I cry every single day, he told me that chronic pain causes depression, and there are ways to help you at least function even if we can't completely solve the problems with all the pain. He put me on Cymbalta for depression. I'm like you, most meds make me very sick, and for the first 2 weeks I felt pretty horrible, nauseous, very tired (slept for days), dizzy, but the side effects went away and it DID help with my depression. It dried up a lot of my tears, I still hurt every day, but I can cope with it much better and with a better attitude. Maybe Cymbalta isn't for you, but there are homeopathic remedies for depression and many other meds as well. Something will help if you are willing to look into it. I would skip the surgeon on this one, they don't care about our overall health, just their pride that they did a 'pretty' surgey. Go to your family doctor, make him listen. Cry if you need to. But don't let the pain put you into more despair. Life is precious, and it sounds like you have a beautiful family that loves you very much. They just want you to feel better too.

I see my neurosurgeon on Thursday for my 6 month followup. I need to discuss having him keep me off work longer (or perhaps permanantly). He has expressed that he thinks I need a second surgery on my hand to correct the nerve damage on my ulnar nerve. I really don't want anymore surgery, so I would rather stay home and just preserve what function I have left. We'll see what he says about filling out my worker's compensation forms. My case manager for comp says I shouldn't have to go back unless I'm better, and they know I'm not, but they need another referral from drs to back it all up. So Thursday is a big day for me. My employer is actually expecting me back at work in 2 weeks, I have a temp doing my job for the last year, and her contract is up. I have a feeling we'll be renewing her contract! (hope and pray) I still can't use my hand at all, the nerve pain is relentless, most days I could cut my arm off with a dull knife for relief. Ugh. Pretty useless, a graphic designer that has no use of her hand. That's been my whole career for 20 years, and now I can't even hold a pencil without tremors. Pathetic.

I will send you a friend request, and hope that you keep in touch. If anything it's just nice to have someone to talk to that understands and is going through similar situations. I'm home, and on here at least once a day, so feel free to vent if you need to. I try not to complain to my husband and daughter too much, (my daughter is 16 and pretty busy with her social life and school.. LOL) besides they feel helpless in making me feel better, and the conversation gets old when all we do is whine. I'm sure you feel the same. but at the same time you need to talk about it!

Try to keep your spirits up the best you can. A hot bath with a glass of wine and some pretty candles, whatever you can to give relief and help you feel even a little bit better.

Take care of yourself!
Cathie