Hi there
I am so sorry you are feeling this way and know there will be others on soon to talk to.
I had to do 2 small edits to your post because of our guidelines on suicidal posts, even here on the SOS forum. I feel deeply for what you are going through, even though I do not know you.
Some things are just very very triggering for others who are also struggling.
Please do try to hold on to hope, even though I know things look so bleak now.
Sometimes a glimmer comes in such unexpected ways
We care