Dear CBlue,

it started with a treatment. and then got out of hand. it happens to many. these and many other addictive drugs cannot be stopped suddenly. there are physcial and psychological components to the addiction. so i would start by talking to your therapist tomorrow. she can help you on the psychological side.

you don't need to be ashamed. what you need is a doctor - start with your GP and they may refer you to someone who is more used to these drugs, who can work with you on a taper plan. it is possible to taper off gradually to avoid withdrawal. a doctor needs to evaluate if this is the best way to go.

the alternative is detox, which is where you stop and are given supportive medical care during the physical phase. the withdrawal from opioids is quite harsh and a doctor needs to be in charge of how to do this. i think this may have to be done inpatient.

so the thing to do now, is go to your doctor, and state that you have this problem going on and need to resolve it. tell him you need a doctor to help you taper, or, if he recommends detoxing, ask about that process. they may recommend you go inpatient regardless for a while, even after you have stopped the pills, to treat the psychological addiction. you have crossed a fair few addiction boundaries that are strongly psychological (secrecy, using outside of your own prescription - suggests compulsion to use, feeling shame but doing it anyway).

THE GOOD NEWS IS:
you've already taken several steps to getting better.

1. YOU SEE THE PROBLEM. not only that.
2. YOU WANT TO FIX IT.

the rest.... trust me.... can be done. but you do need a doctor to help you. please let them. do not let that sense of shame get in your way. you have already come this far and for this you can be PROUD - you desire to get OUT of this, and get better. that desire is the secret ingredient for success.

hang in there, keep posting and let us know how things are going.

((((((((((((((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))))))))))))

waves