jinx,

I so feel sorry for your situation. This is becoming a big eye opening experience.

You are just two years into your marriage and your TBI. He has had plenty of time to show if he has what it takes to step up to the plate. It sounds more like you adopted him rather than married him. He was looking for a mother. You were looking for a companion.

I am not a believer in divorce as a solution. But I also hold high regard for the institution of marriage. I have been married 31 years. Marriage is a union where both parties need to be good at giving of themselves to the other. He does not appear to have ever be the type of person who knows how to give of himself. That is not uncommon in today's culture. Being the baby of the family is no excuse. He can make choices but is choosing not to.

My baby brother is 14 years younger than me. He was the youngest of 6 kids and was treated like royalty. But, he has stepped up to the plate in every way conceivable.

I bet hubby's problem is more that he was and still is a momma's boy. They are not the good long marriage type.

Has the question been put to him in joint counseling? Does he want to go on with you in your current condition? I bet he can list a bunch of "She never does "this" for me anymore. But... his passive nature means he will be challenged to make a definitive statement about ending the marriage.

Maybe he needs to be asked the right questions. Like: What would you like to see Jinx doing in your relationship? What things can you do to help her with her recovery? What are your thoughts for the future if she never recovers beyond where she is today? What would you likely do if her condition deteriorated?

For two or three decades, my parents had an arms length relationship do to some personality quirks in my dad do to a very slow onset of ischemic dementia. When he finally started a deep decline into life ending dementia about 10 years ago, Mom became a different person. Her caring for him became a sight to behold. She became a very loving and nurturing woman.

Can you imaging him caring for you is you were in serious decline? Or is his love or whatever it is conditional on you serving his needs?

I don't think you have much choice. Setting up a separate support structure without him in the way will be less problematic. I was about to say 'easier,' but I know it won't be easy.


My best to you.