Dear Donna

well. I am flattered. i don't know what to say. i will give it a shot here...

Well first, I think this forum has many hearts and many rocks... we take turns being weaker and stronger. i am in a weak spot right now for reasons i can't count beyond what might be chemical.

Medwise, much credit goes to my first pdoc who taught me the ropes - he was literally a med guru who just loooooved to explain stuff, very intelligent, never intimidated, and so, to my incessant childlike questions on every option he offered (yes, options and discussion before scripts ), he would give more and more intricate answers until either i or he were out of our depth! He was an MD in psychiatry, PhD in Neurology, and had specialized training in Pharmacology. He taught me enough to be able to research on my own, and understand what i was reading. So, i have to pass the thanks to him for my abilities to share here. He was at their origin.

Finding the best in myself ... well depression can make that very hard. i am uninspired to do many of the things i used to do and inspiration, even a little, is a requirement for the creative process. i miss doing these things and i see this gaping hole in my life, how could i not. It hasn't been a month or even a year, where one can say "this too shall pass." Other than the odd glimmers here and there, it's been over a decade that i've missed soooo many things which i value in myself.... the creative spirit.

I appreciate you saying you guys find good things about me. And I realize that in general, as a person, i have good and bad just like the next guy. (Gotta wonder about Ted Bundy though, eh?)

But i feel my soul ripped out.

I don't feel guilty about it - just lost without it.

Thanks Donna, for such a thoughtful post, and for reminding me i am valuable at the forums, even if i am not creative right now.

~ waves ~