Just wanted to post again and say how much I can identify with that feeling of having to really KICK Myself to MAKE it to appts. It's not an easy thing sometimes. My tdoc once told me and I am sure you've all heard it before, but Fake it until you make it. That is what I do and somehow a smile can become fully sincere in a split second. I do it all the time when I am forced to go out in the world and shop or get errands done, people want to see me doing well mainly because of the disability, I think that it's something to do with it reassuring them that disability doesn't have to mean the end of the world you know? Anyway, the point in mentioning it is that I don't always FEEL like that inside, but by the time I am done with the interaction with the cashier or whoever I DO feel like that inside. It's like it flips some internal switch I have worked at making happen.

Now it's hard to let that guard down around my pdoc, but I do work at it, I just don't fully trust her yet, she's still new and I am afraid she's gonna end up leaving and I'll have to get used to a new pdoc, so it's hard to really open up, plus its only a twenty odd minute appt anyway and you can't really accomplish jack squat in that time frame and I suppose you're not meant to, it's a med management appt and all, but even so I just worry about her leaving me high and dry.

Hang in there waves! We're all pulling for you! :grouhug: