Dear Pam

Thanks for this thoughtful post. when it comes to going out... the fake it till i make it... doesn't quite make it yet.... i do not feel better after i am home. i am drained from faking it. i have been going around in a state of detachment. i sing softly to myself. this last time i sang hymns. occasionally you get stared at but the detachment helps with that. and also knowing that most ppl around me are much louder than me with their own mess of sounds. so, what of it if i want to talk to god in the form of music?

i did one nice thing, i reached out to help someone - it was an instinctive because i had a couple of blind friends at one time and learned to guide somewhat. it was rush hour and a young man, blind but also with seeming mild gait impairment got off the train right before me. i asked if he wanted a guide before i knew what i was thinking and he accepted. i think it was ok. but i think i will do a course on "standard protocol" when i feel better. it is not the first time i do this, and if i'm going to go headlong into these situations, i better shape up!

see there was one part of the stairs i couldn't describe quickly and he almost stumbled. of course he had my arm so it was ok, but i felt bad... like maybe i got more in the way in the end. i tried to remind myself that he did accept. i've offered before and been told, no thanks i'm fine. i tried to tell myself i had good intentions and probably he was grateful. but then i worried and worried over it for ages. even reaching out... sigh... causes me difficulty right now.

THAT SAID. the thing about fake it till you make it is applicable in another area of my "life" right now. so you know what - it was really helpful to hear it. THANKS. And also for taking the time to post again.

((((hugs))))

~ waves ~ hoping your pdoc sticks around and you feel more comfortable soon.